Have you ever felt like your body wasn’t in control of yourself? Going on this self-destructive journey could destroy both your mind and your self-esteem. I never again want to feel this feeling of helplessness, drowning me in a dark abyss, created by myself. Isn’t it ironic? You know you are doing something wrong but yet again you keep on doing it, as if it is a mantra, repeating it again and again.
Many of us have heard our parents nag at us, for many things if I may say. But we always disregarded them, their feelings, in the hopes of proving that they are wrong and we are right like always. Even though I made this horrendous mistake, what is the saying? “You reap what you sow”, truly is one hell of a saying.
I had created this beautiful illusion of the perfect life, perfect grades, and perfect friends. But I never once considered the fact that I had to work hard and be dedicated to achieving this perfect life, I have always dreamed of it. My parents were really concerned for me, but like the ‘cool’ kid I was, I just brushed them off. Thinking that they didn’t know how things worked in our generation. What a fool I was.
The adrenaline rush of defying my parents, questioning their guidance that I’ve followed since I was little, became frequent for me. This whole rebellion act- This was the downfall of my reign before it had even been begun. The addiction to lying, made me want it even more. But during this façade, I made a web of lies for myself and people around me, making me question my reckless decisions till now. The thin line between reality and lie started becoming really blurry for me. ‘Is this how teenagers behave?’ I used to question myself aloud. My parents knew something was wrong with me, even though I knew that I wasn’t like myself for the past few weeks, but me being the stubborn kid, I didn’t try to talk it out with my parents; the only people in this whole wide world who wouldn’t judge me. I made a huge mistake and it showed in my immediate future.
My grades started deteriorating, there was once a time I was among the toppers, now it was all falling apart. Rather than studying, I started focusing on watching K-dramas. Once my grades started worsening, I left the hope of ever-improving again. Even though the main culprit of this situation was me, I couldn’t help but feel sad. That hopeless feeling started encasing me once again. But I knew I had to do something. I knew I shouldn’t give up and that’s what I did. I didn’t give up.
The question was how? I needed that motivation, that flick of fire to once again thrive and move towards my goal. So, I started using all the resources I was lucky enough to have and one of the main resources I used a lot was the Internet. The same internet I used to use, to watch K-dramas and was now using it to study. I started reading all sorts of Motivational quotes, and music came to become one of my best buddies during this journey.
I started exploring things I liked to do and surprisingly English Literature was one of those. I could have never imagined myself like that. And within just a span of days, I even started writing stuff, though it was a little amateur, but ‘bonus points for trying’. I started appreciating myself more. Loving myself was becoming easier. The relationship between me and my parents started becoming more like before. More playful. More lively. I was now in control of my body and emotions better than ever. My grades started increasing gradually, giving me a boost of confidence. It was as if someone fueled me up with infinitely positive energy. Communication played a pretty crucial role in my development. Communication with my family, my teachers, my friends. It made me realize that I could do so much more than what I was doing then.
This particular period of time had been like a roller coaster ride for me. It had its ups and downs. Even though it wasn’t the best of time for me, it made me realize that I could do so much more, if I had the dedication. I realized that everyone has his/her flaws. It’s not important to be “perfect”. I now embrace my flaws fully. Without feeling the need to change for someone else or hide my true nature. It really is true that ‘Life is like a piano, the black keys are pain and sadness, while the white keys are happy and full of joy, yet you need both to play music’
Ishney Ahuja is a budding writer and a student at Bhatnagar International School in New Delhi. Writing is an escape from reality, for him. He is also a published poet who hopes to thrive for more in life and make literature his number one companion in this beautiful life.